to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
