oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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