i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
