put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
