it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
