one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
