just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
