So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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