You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize