K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
