maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize