Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
