dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize