garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
