Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
