He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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