well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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