just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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