I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
