How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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