im gay
i know
yea but for you.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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