Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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