Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
