its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
