i think my mom watched the whole time
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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