dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
