After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
