with your own penis?
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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