What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
there is glitter all over my balls
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
