I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
this will be a night to untag.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
