In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
