The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
