He asked to "fluff my boner.."
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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