new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
