____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
