Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
