Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
