capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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