we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
