I puked a lego.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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