did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize