so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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