how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
