wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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