Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
