Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
