yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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