Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
