I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
this beer tastes like vomit already
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
