I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
