I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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