I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
NoShamevember. You game?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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