We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
