I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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