Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
