may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
