i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
