New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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