end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
