JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
