I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wish I only lived at night.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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