There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
