And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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