Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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