so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
