did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize