M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
