His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
